daturameloxia | open rp post;

Wylan is watching Kaz like a hawk the instant he presses a hand to his side. He doesn't move, but his eyes widen in concern and when Kaz speaks, it sounds like a goodbye. No, Wylan can't let him walk out of here without a clotting salve or something similiar. He squats down and digs through his collection to produce a jar.

Setting it on the the table, closer to Kaz, "Should help with healing and the pain, both."

Kaz turns the bottle face towards him, tilting it slightly to watch the consistency of the salve inside of it. He's long since used to taking care of his own needs. Wylan's perhaps new enough not to realize that yet. Or stubborn enough not to care. Kaz isn't fooled by his sometimes flinching to think Wylan doesn't have a backbone. He proved that true enough when arguing on Alby's behalf when he thought Kaz might truly kill a child.

"Aren't you just full of tricks." He means it beyond the salve, which he just pockets for now. "It matters to you to be useful, doesn't it?" It isn't even really a question, Kaz had limited patience in cases where he knows the answer. He leans against the table, not quite sitting on it but taking some weight off his feet. "You should be careful about that, you know. There are a lot of people in the Barrel who'd take advantage of it. Not just in the Barrel, even."

It's a bad habit from his time with his father: trying to prove his usefulness outside of his ability to read. It continued to the tannery when he suggested they use saltwater to raise the boiling point of certain dyes. If he can be useful, he won't end up in the in the harbour. Hearing Kaz directly call him out for hit, like a a knife slithering beneath his armor, makes Wylan pale.

He bites back a response that none of his other skills had mattered to his father. That no matter how useful he tried to be, no matter how many concertos he memorized or chemistry equations he mastered, the only thing that matterered was his illiteracy. And that crime was punishable by death.

"I don't work for anyone but you anymore," Wylan replies, an intrinsic statement of trust; who would take advantage of him, then? Kaz?

A part of Kaz can’t help but want to warn Wylan against ever opening himself up to the possibility of being used. At the same time, Wylan isn’t wrong that Kaz won’t use it against him. Still, making oneself vulnerable is a terrible habit to fall into, and while Kaz likes to think he could spite Death itself into spitting him back time and again, he knows it’s not true. He might have wordlessly protected Wylan since the other man came to the Barrel, initially out of pragmatism and now out of loyalty, but he can’t guarantee he’ll always be around to stand in front of the worst that comes at his friends.

To Kaz, that’s merely practical. He knows better than to say as much to Wylan given the man’s reaction to Kaz’s earlier quips about dying.

He opts for a different tactic. His voice like always is a rusty blade scraping against rock, never all that comforting a sound.

“You’ve already proven yourself to me. Just don’t get into the habit of needing validation from others. It rarely ends well.” He has a feeling it’s a lesson Wylan’s already had experience learning if not yet fully embracing.

Kaz is right; Wylan shouldn't get into the habit of needing validation. If he learned anything from growing up with his father, it's not seeking out attention and pats on the back from anyone. He never received a 'good job' or 'well done' from any of his tutors, chemistry or music or math. No, if he couldn't read,, nothing else mattered.

You are a fruit that will spoil on the shelf.

"I know," Wylan replies, his voice distant for a moment befor he focuses his gaze back on Kaz. "I know.

Given Kaz’s past of abruptly being cut off from any support system as a child, and carrying the weight of that survival guilt with him to this day, he firmly believes in the advice he offers that survival can’t depend on the validation of others. It’s nowhere near as sustainable as believing in one’s own merit, and that can only happen through personal perseverance. There had been no one to turn to but himself to survive the harshness of Ketterdam, no one to validate his choices but his own burning drive to move forward. Any hint of weakness, of need, was exploited and used against him brutally. He should have died many times over, had been left for dead more times than he could count.

He got back up not to prove something to others, not to get their approval, but to spite them. To make sure that his plans were seen through, on his terms.

Wylan deserves not only autonomy in his mind, but to figure out that he’s worth something on his own merit and not that of others. At least he has people around him to support him in figuring that out, unlike Kaz had so many years ago.

“I don’t think you do know,” he replies bluntly. “But it’s not an easy lesson to learn. You have plenty to offer, so it’d be a waste to rely on other people telling you that rather than knowing it yourself. Compliments are great, but the person you spend the most time with is always going to be yourself. Learn your worth. Don’t compromise on it. Even if I won’t exploit it, life's too unpredictable to not have every advantage at your disposal that you can.”

open rp post;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject