daturameloxia | seasons inbox

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seasons inbox

Hello, you've reached Wylan.

[A pause, and then a quiet,] What else do I say? Oh.

Please leave a message and, um, I will be with you as soon as I can. Thank you!

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[Argon is trying to alert at Wylan, who seems to be having difficulty breathing.]

I want to be with him, but I hate that it’s upset Macaque.

Should I… [Macaque lives in the main house so.] Should I leave? Would it it help Macaque if he didn’t see me?

[Which he doesn’t mean as a way to run, but to make life easier for Macaque, even if it would quietly break Wylan’s heart to no longer be allowed in this warm, beautiful home.]

Wylan, thinking of running away again.

But now that you are talking with me, I can slow down a bit.

So I need you to breathe, son. [He reaches for a hand, giving a light squeeze for a four count.]

Oh, right. Sorry.

[He’s trying to think of anything to help. He’s dazed until he feels Wash’s hand on his, helping him.

How could he have ever compared Wash to his father?]

I can’t breathe.

Gonna see if this helps. [He lets go of his hand to move under his arms, moving to lift them up.] Raise your arms, it opens up your diaphragm, more space to get air in.

Now try to breathe with me. [He holds up a hand, moving fingers to four as he breathes in, holds, then out with another four.]

[The change in position does seem to open up additional air. It still requires doing the breathing exercise and Argon easing him down to the ground.]

I’m sorry. [He’s still breathless.] You’re nothing like him. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want any of this to happen.

I know.

We know.

Macauqe isn't mad at you. Part of his struggle was he didn't want to hurt you, but didn't know how to do it without twisting himself into a knot.

Because you know, I'm dating him, and you're my kid.

But he doesn't blame you. You frankly don't owe him anything.

MK does and that's something they have to work through.

[Argon is in Wylan’s lap and Wylan keeps trying to do the structured breathing as he talk.]

Please don’t hurt MK, dad.

I am not making a promise because MK is going to get some hard conversations, it just depends what kind and from who.

I'm not going to physically assault him.

But I can't pretend my concerns don't exist and they have to be addressed at the start.

But that is a conversation I would want him present for. I want to talk relationships with you and I think this is a very, very important question.

Wylan, do you think there is a single relationship out there that doesn't have pain?

[Wylan nods through Wash’s words and as his breathing evens out, he’s able to answer Wash’s question.]

I fought with Jesper before the Temple. I saw Inej and Kaz come close to what they wanted and then shied away. Matthias died in Nina’s arms. Nevermind my own mother and Alys.

I have seen so much pain in relationships, Wash. But I know there are also happy moments.

Yes, and those happy moments count.

But its important to be able to have the small fights and the big fights and recover. While also making sure to not leave things to fester and wrought.

Tell me about the fight with Jesper. What it was about, how it was resolved, how you felt about it.

He found out I couldn’t read. I was ashamed and I avoided him. He kept telling me I shouldn’t be ashamed because of one reason or another and it finally boiled over on a job.

It resolved because we both realized that our shames should not define us.

So he pursued you and tried to comfort you.

Did you comfort him about his shame?

I did, yes. We comforted each other.

Okay. So that is how you deal when other things hurt you.

What about when you hurt each other?

That's when the fight broke out. I told him he shouldn't be ashamed. I did the exact thing that had been irritating me. He said that I had no idea what it had cost him.

And then he almost died.

....

Was...

Was the almost dying a key factor in communicating?

Yes. [Wylan leans against Argon.]

Please tell me you see that isn't reassuring.

I would rather we’d made up before then but time wasn’t on our side.

And was it going...well before that?

We had just found a quiet place to talk when Kaz needed Jesper. I waited outside and watched the butterflies until I realized something was wrong.

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